As I write these words, I already anticipate missing these moments. Being pregnant has been such a gift, and a joy that I know soon or at least someday I will miss these moments. Being filled with life, is really the most intimately feminine experience I can imagine and one I thought many times I wouldn’t get to experience.
So much has changed in Billy and I’s relationship. I’ve seen him take on a tenderness and patience that even I didn’t know he had. As if he anticipated my needs or wants he’s stepped up in all things household related cooking dinners before I say I’m tired, washing dishes before I even think to ask, taking Zia for more runs as my waddling walk has ceased to impress her lately. It’s not these small actions that have surprised me though, he’s always been caring and sensitive. It’s as though he has a radar on my moods and energy levels and our relationship seems to have taken on a level bordering telepathy. It’s a beautiful gift to have a partnership without guilt or fault, to be able to need more and to receive it without shame or any lingering concerns about attached strings.
While my relationship with Billy has strengthened endlessly, my attachment to physical fitness has released. In birth, you are ultimately without control and as I entered the third trimester I’ve allowed myself to let go of expectations once again for the final stretch. I find myself still moving more than the “average American” walking several miles a day, practicing yoga nightly, lifting weights with more frequency, but allowing running to take a backseat. At this point there is no direction or focus minus the consistency with the Spinning Babies yoga to try to encourage him out of his Transverse Lying position… otherwise I’m just allowing my body to move how I feel or don’t feel, day depending.
More for my memory than anything, a few physical updates. My 8 hours on average sleep is interrupted but otherwise sufficient. I find myself more likely to take a nap than normal but it’s maybe once a week not a daily situation… I have some mild heartburn if my meals aren’t small, and some discomfort in the evenings when my energy/ tolerance is lower. Currently with Cosmos’ transverse lie I can feel the hard lump of his rear wedged into my right side, but the kicks just to the right of my belly button still give me delight over discomfort. Overall I’m amazed at how great I feel, but attribute a lot of it to proper sleep, and a low stress lifestyle. Women I know who worked hectic, long hour, demanding jobs until their delivery… How? You are all my heroes.
I know I will miss these moments, counting his kicks, feeling round like a feminine goddess, having the most kind and tender version of my partner… but yet I look forward to the future with excitement. How will our day of birth go? What will his personality be like? Will be be chubby as an infant like Billy with 4 chins or thin like myself? Funny how we both ended up with metabolisms that trend the opposite of our infant selves. Will he have curly hair? What color will it be? And the sound I look forward to the most is hearing his giggle. These moments of now, fill me with delight, but I know it’s only the beginning of our journey. I’m quite convinced we are the luckiest family in the world.